JUST HELP ME OUT!

JUST HELP ME OUT - Kory Wood

In the gender race, men are behind.
So, our Senate should swiftly combine,
To write up a bill
That effectively will
Force all women to carry large signs.

These signs, flashing, neon, and bright,
Would assist male-kind's woebegone plight,
For each sign would display
What each girl WANTS to say,
And thus, bring each man to the light.

"I'd rather not date you, pin-head."
"That shirt makes you look over-fed."
"I want flowers at work."
"Your best friend's a huge jerk."
"Were you listening to what I just said?"

"Call again, and there'll be a law-suit."
"Your gym bag smells like a Malamute."
"I am NOT in the mood."
"No, Steve, belching is rude."
"I'm just laughing so you'll think I'm cute."

And thus, men would know how to please,
And stop sweating, with shakes in their knees.
Boys would woo, girls would grin.
Men would finally win,
And would skip through their love-lives with ease.

Large, Expensive Clock

Macaroni, old spaghetti, reheated apple pie,
You helped us live conveniently
And now I don't know why
You had to choose to leave us here
Dwelling on this rock.
Now, all you are to me
Is a large, expensive clock.

IN PURSUIT OF VIRTUES

In Pursuit of Virtues - Kory Wood

Charity enamors me,
Yet she demands too high a fee.
Faith and Hope I'd work to get,
But failure seems a surer bet.
Patience - Taxing, tiring, tough.
Grace - Just left me on my duff.
Sad to say, but Chastity
Gives me not sufficient glee.
With Destiny, I missed my date.
Lost chances: my eternal fate.
Seems they all weren't meant for me;
I guess I'll just go call Nancy.

Untitled - Kory Wood

I've
Never
Understood
Why
Poems
Have
To
Look so nice and neat when there's
So
Many
Different
Ways
To
Scrawl
Them
'Pon
Your
Sheet.

First Mate

The winds were blowing, the waves were high,
The gale was raging and death was nigh.
The mast was broken, our stores were bare.
I dared not raise my head, for who could be there?
You, you, my faithful first mate,
Were there to steer me through the narrow gate.
We reached the harbor and finished our journey,
Turned to set forth again, and surely,
As you were once here,
Now you are gone.
And I must face the ocean,
Alone.